Oh no no no Bella

I’m sorry for the delay, but I have my reasons, so drop it!!!

Anyway recently in my spare time (spare time….my precious…..my precious…Gollum) I started discovering a few things about my new city such as; how many different bars are here, watching movies in theatres, watching a few more plays…yes! I said plays!! I am now “cultured”!!

So this is what brought me to my next post..a movie! I recently saw this ‘movie’ involving a wolf, Count Panzula (Pansy + Dracula) and Ms. ‘I’m-too-confused-I-want-to-love-TWO-boys’.

Yup you got it….part three of the series. Eclipse!

So to start with, it could be worse, but let’s face it; if it was then Rakhi Sawant would be in it!

Leave aside the poker face acting by Bella (Kristen Stewart) who I feel could beat any person hands down in a game of cards with that blank expression which she carries so well all throughout the movie, I wonder if she was aware that acting is more than just repeating lines of a script and saying them loud enough for all to hear. Leave aside the even more than usual sad acting by Edward (Robert Pattison) but then in his defense he is dead in the movie. Leave aside the hunky, muscle ripping Jacob (Taylor Lautner) who remains shirtless the whole time since apparently, THAT is the limit of his acting ability. Be it happy, sad, angry, disturbed etc..an entire range of emotions expressed by the way he moves his pecs! The movie is drab. It’s bland and all characters lack any chemistry, life, personality, acting skills, speaking ability, reason to live…list goes on.

To begin with, the movie continues Bella’s “oh-so-tough” decision between a pale, scrawny fairy aka Edward and the “soon-to-be-acting-in-Machoman”, skin walker Jacob (a werewolf is too cool to associate with him, so I shall refer to him as a skin walker only). The movie revolves around the climax which (no no, despite popular belief was not the ending credits) is a fight between a few random ‘new-born’ vampires who have been created to engage the Cullens so that Victoria (a red head who wants revenge aka vamp of the movie) can kill Bella and avenge her lovers death (How exciting!! yawn) The Cullen clan then turn to the topless skin walkers and join hands and paws to save the lead character for the next part of the movie. The fight is too unproblematic since (it appears that) the new born vampires are made of porcelain and get smashed pretty easily.

The movie though does have a few good parts…..uhhhh……hmm….oh that scene in which…no no….that was not it….hmmm. Ah well…guess it doesn’t have any!

You got to give it to the director, with movies such as Do Geese See God (2004) (yes I know, I haven’t heard of it either) and Hard Candy (2005) (wouldn’t suggest this one to my worst enemy) you are left dumbfounded that the producer allowed him to be near the set of the movie leave alone the responsibility to direct it

The tag of the movie is correct. “It all begins with a choice”. I would suggest you choose not to watch it and if you are brave enough to see it I recommend drinking something or smoking something before and after that will erase the memory and numb the pain

Open your eyes….its there!

The world is a hard place, at times even the nicest of things seem fake and the stranger the mania the more believable it becomes. To lie awake on nights and wonder why are we all here…what are we supposedly meant to be, what’s the secret, why on this 3^rd rock from the Sun. To spend a lot of time thinking about things and then freak out cause you still haven’t got the slightest clue. To learn the master plan of it all……the entirety of Earth.

I thus write. Trying to keep my head about as they say. It assists thinking and gives clarity of mind. The littlest of things become significant, that words randomly typed out suddenly make sagacity, they follow each other making a trail and if by magic it seems all this makes sense, adds up to logic, it gives…..meaning. It’s ne’er easy to be anyone and each day we all live one kind of life of the lonely. The life of the singular…why would one want to take that on? Is one afraid of something, or is he shying away from it, or is it just plain and simple fear? Or rather the fact that it maybe a remote connection of all three. But more often than not, the answer lies in mere sight. The answer is not for why does one choose solitude, but more on the lines of why does one choose not for solitude.

The tranquillity, the serenity, the peace, the quiet, the rest, the silence…ah yes the sound of silence…at times the loudest of noises can be easily drowned out if the mind is free, but the sound of silence…is not so easy. It’s deafening, but the bliss that comes along with it, the echo of time’s chords moving on, and the gentle hum of the breeze outside along with the sound of your own breath. Could it be more serene, could sound be more pristine?

The answer is not a simple yes or no, as the predicament may pose, the answer lies inside. Deep inside. Silence at times has the loudest voice and at times poses the greatest of fears. It is said that one must never speak unless they can improve the silence…..ponder on that for a bit. It’s the most powerful speech and sometimes the answer we all look for.

I choose to live as I am for there is no other way I could define myself and no other way I could see myself being sane. Sanity is relative, you think you know it all, but there are times you still need to know more. Being a part of this electrified village, the need to think about yourself as singulars crops up more often. I choose therefore I am. I know that time always wins the race in the end, but I hope I can at least last a little longer and hold my head up once I loose. I don’t expect most of this to make sense, but I hope a few know what I talk about.

Everything will be alright in the end and if it is not…then it is definitely not the end

Poem fr my thoughts!!

In my heart I feel distressed

For I have spent such time with friends

I cannot ask for anything in return

For all I want, is all I need is what I have got

The time has come to bid adieu

Fond hearts swell sad in heart, nerve and sinew

I feel vaguely deprived, despondent

Cause it seems just yesterday that orientation had begun

The ecstasy of arrival can never but never

Compensate for the emptiness of departure.

I thank you all for being with me

Holding my hand and guiding me

(And at times even annoying me)

And so I congratulate you all

For being a part of the fine

The “student-managers” of The BATCH OF 2007-09!!

Alone.......

Have you ever felt alone…and no not the “one-with-the-universe” thing. Just unadorned alone. To be amongst a group and yet not in the group, to be with people and yet without them, to be surrounded and still feel singled out. It’s a strange feeling to be with everyone in the midst of it and then once the mist fades away and the fog clears it slowly dawns upon you that there’s only one person standing there, who seems different, looks the same as you, makes the same amount of sense as you and the person who you end up talking to more than the rest…….

  I love to be alone. Yes I know most of us find that odd, a few of us would maybe even frown upon it but the fact is that I have never found a companion that was as companionable as solitude. Solitude, the word itself has a ring to it. Solitude, isolation, loneliness, seclusion all part of what at times we would need in this pitiless Earth whilst it is said, we try to fill the unforgiving minute with 60 seconds worth of distance run. Yes it is true that we need others, we need to live and we need to be loved by them. There is no doubt in my mind that without it, we too like an infant left on its own would cease to grow, cease to develop, choose madness and even death. I do not deny that “Man is a social animal” and thus we “need” a society to live in, after all we have read this line ever since it first appeared in our 4^th grade books.

  It is known that we are born alone, we spend our life alone and we die alone. It is only through love and friendship that we can create an illusion that we are not alone in this great big world. I am sure most of you may not agree with me, maybe even a majority, maybe even all who read it. But I know that reason is not automatic, and those who deny reason cannot be conquered by it, they will be left and not counted. For the day it dawns upon them, they may read it again, may understand it better and may actually agree (in rare cases).

  Aloneness is a state of mind. You may be alone with hundreds all around or you may find a camaraderie being with yourself. The amity you share with yourself at the end of it all does go a long way in defining you as an individual. If you can’t stay with yourself how in the world would you ever expect others to be with you!!

 Please don’t get this wrong and try to think that being alone is what I want, I am at ease with the crowds and the hustle and bustle which goes along with it. It does give me a true feel of society but I ask of you to just at times sit back and think if time spent on yourself, without inhibitions, without restraints or restrictions, without the worry of an everyday life, without deadlines and schedules to keep, without worrying about insignificant and petite details.

 I ask in the end…..why is it that we look stupid if we laugh alone, but that’s usually how we cry.

 "Earth teach me to forget myself as melted snow forgets its life.

Earth teach me resignation as the leaves which die in the fall.

Earth teach me regeneration as the seed which rises in the spring. But, most of all
Earth teach me courage as the tree which stands all alone, whilst all this happens around it "

---William Alexander

 

 

 

Despair!

“A hope is a good thing, in fact it is one of the best things we have”……never have truer words been said. The hope to live, the hope to survive , the hope to succeed,  to do better, to exceed, to achieve the impossible…..hope is what mankind bases itself on. How realistic is hope? How well worth is it? I talk to people and all they can offer me is good wishes and ‘hope’ that I get better soon. It’s ludicrous….its strange how they think that ‘hope’ is what will make me all good again.

      I twisted my ligament in a battle of man against machine….the bigger machine won!! My bantam piece of metal lost out in a battle of will to the bigger meaner piece of man’s twisted design in machinery. In the end I lost the one thing I loved and cared the most about……my pride, my passion, my love….my will, my need, my desire. It seems strange to think about it, but I know I caused it, and I knew I must suffer for it, but I never in my wildest dreams ever thought about giving up.

      A foolhardy truck with more clout than my poor baby could ever muster and I like Quixote charging into it….I wonder if I’ll ever be forgiven. I wonder if I’ll ever be the same, I wonder if I’ll ever be my true self, I wonder if I’ll ever be happy…or will I have to pull my mask a little more tighter and smile away and beam with (or at) the world like I usually do. I know in spirit that I will never forgive myself, for I let myself down, i did what I shouldn’t have done and paid the heaviest of prices for it.

   My dream, my hurt, my hope, all hinged apparently at my knee and I never believed that I may at one point have to give it all…or give up. A friend told me about Ripley’s and tried to sway me in her life of optimism by stating that “stranger things have happened” when I told her about the disappointment in me to be unable to kick a ball with my right foot. I thank her sanguinity and I admired her buoyancy and her perkiness. I sense joy for the purity and innocence in her voice trying to convince the voices in my head…..But damn if they listen!!

    I could say that I have no regrets, for “It could have been worse” but I would be lying….to myself, to my superiors and to the one who knows it all. I do have regrets; I regret having ever gone there. I regret not being there once I got there. I regret coming back. I regret not being able to see the road. I regret putting purity at risk and I regret placing it in grave danger. I regret putting it all up for grabs….for nothing!! 

  As Oscar Wilde said “Experience is the name one gives to their mistakes” I come out of this one a broken, shattered and shadow of who I should be on a field but a veteran none the less.

 “Good Judgement comes from Experience, and Experience comes from bad Judgement”

personality, perception n motivation

PERSONALITY

 

If you have anything really valuable to contribute to the world it will come through the expression of your own personality, that single spark of divinity that sets you off and makes you different from every other living creature. A personality is what sets you apart from the rest of the clan.  Some great person once said that nothing in this world is permanent but change; it’s a part of life, a part of society, a part of why every person in this world is an individual.

 

  

  I personally believe that my personality has been shaped wholly by the experiences I have been through in my past 22 years. Whether it be from my shy, docile, withdrawn, reserved self during my first few years from kindergarten to primary school to my later developed outgoing, friendly and sociable attitude which I have inculcated in myself over the years.

 

 

 My personality has been shaped by the innumerable incidents that have occurred in my life. Each event has shaped me in a way I may not be aware of yet. It’s called The Butterfly Effect, which states that even the flutter of a butterfly’s wings over the Ocean can cause a typhoon in some distant land. Every happening in my 22 years has changed some part of me and some part of my future. Personality is not constant, it changes as time passes. Circumstances lead to a change of outlook, a change of position, a change of stance, which in turn would lead to a change of personality.

 

 

  However I view things today, will change after a couple of years. If asked about my personality I will have nothing definitive to say, for the personality is what defines a person and it is the hardest thing to be able to define yourself and what I say today at 0420 on the 24^th of August will not hold true 5 years (or maybe even 5 minutes) from now!  Personality has no definition, no answers and more importantly will differ with people’s perceptions, it will differ with time and it will differ with the choices we make.

 

 

 It’s said that man's main task in life is to give birth to himself, to become what he potentially is and the most important product of his effort is his own personality.

 

 

 

 

PERCEPTION

 

Did you ever wonder if the person in the puddle is real, and you're just a reflection of him?" ~ Calvin

  A verse from the Veda says, 'What you see, you become.' In other words, just the experience of perceiving the world makes you what you are.

 Perception is a feedback, perception is an outlook, perception is what is based on the innumerable experiences I have had with the unimaginable number of people I have already met and the manner in which they have deciphered those instances to draw a rough sketch of me. Now each of these people have made their own sketch with their own paint and brush. These ‘sketches’ may or may not be the same for all of them, nor may they match the one I have drafted for myself, but yet the central element in all of these remains the same. These perceptions so drawn about me by them will vary from the time I met them, the mood I was in when I met them and the pre-conceived notions they were nursing in their minds before they met me.

 The perception my parents have about me is very different from what my friends, my teachers and my acquaintances have developed. My parents took me as a rebel and I can corroborate it in the way he said “Good Luck” to my roommate in my graduation college. My second engineer on ship considered me a maverick; my teachers right from my kindergarten days considered me a conformist, my girl considers me eccentric and my friends consider me born lucky. Each of these perceptions differs (but ofcourse) but then, I still am the same wine tasted by all of them……just in different glasses.

 I perceive myself as a go-getter, an achiever, an extrovert and a whole lot of fun. Life for me is based solely around friends, family, football and more football. My perception about myself varies as to the state of mind I am in, 95% of the time I know exactly what I want and the remaining 5% of the time is when I am contemplating what I want to do next. Be it parents or even a shrink, there are not many individuals in this world who can actually perceive another perfectly and even fewer whose perception will match the other person’s actual personality.

 Perception is what you see yourself as, the good, the bad or the ugly, but in the end it is you. To quote a famous brand, “I am what I am” and people may come close but will never be able to view anyone perfectly.     

 

MOTIVATION

 

I believe that there are basically two kinds of people in this world, those who want it and those who want it more, and more often than not the ones who want it more get it more frequently. This is motivation. When you know what you want, and you want it badly enough, you'll find a way to get it, infact the whole world actually conspires to help you with it too. Motivation is nothing more than a desire and a desire is the starting point of all achievement, not a hope, not a wish, but a keen pulsating desire which transcends everything.

   Motivation is what drives a person but then motivation alone is not enough, if you have an idiot and you motivate him, you end up with a motivated idiot. Motivation requires direction, a path, a course, a trail to lead you to the right direction.

Humans have the remarkable ability to get exactly what they must have. But there is a difference between a "must" and "want." Once people are able to discriminate between what they must and should have, motivation is all taken care of.

Motivation is what makes us all tick; it is what makes us go ahead with the work. I deem myself to be centred around the moment,  I live for it, its what makes me look forward to the rest of the day, its what makes me get out of bed, its what keeps me up all night to watch a football match.

I get motivated by a whole horde of things, be it materialistic or emotional. Fun, friends and life are high on my priority list. Personally, to be able to sit and look back at my handiwork with ease is one of the biggest motivating factors. It’s what drives me to get the work done. Onboard the ship it was what made me get down to the engine room day in and day out. To wake up at an unreasonable hour, don overalls and work in 40 C and at times stay awake for weeks on end takes a lot of effort and a burning desire to perform.

As the great Mohammed Ali said, “To be a great champion you must believe you are the best. If you’re not, pretend you are.”

 Demotivation is a state where you start to believe that when your best is just not good enough. You try and try hard to stay clear of such a state, but then we're all only human and our heart affects our mind, which in turn will affect our conduct. We just need to remember that we all get demotivated at times.

 There are always a hug number of demotivating factors in one’s life. It is upto the individual to stay unambiguous of them. There are varying instances I get demotivated, it could be if Manchester United do not win, if I don’t perform upto my expectations or if I don’t perform upto some else’s expectations. At times like these all I can do is end up visualising what I did wrong (or maybe what Man Utd. did wrong) and hope for the best the next time. We need to grasp the actuality that no amount of anger, tears or depression can make things good again and thus we just need to stay clear of stress inducing circumstances.